100 Word Challenge

Posted: March 11, 2012 by INC in Flash fiction
Tags:

And this week’s challenge is….

….the weather changed for the worse…

We have until Tuesday. Get writing!

If you can, check out the other entries and make polite, constructive comments.

Advertisements
Comments
  1. Dumbledore says:

    Caroline.

    Caroline cried so hard that day. She thought to herself that she wasn’t worth living.
    And as she did, somehow the weather had become worse. Sending drops of water to the ground.

    She sobbed uncontrollably, “I can’t do this anymore…”

    She set her camera on her desk and started recording her last words.
    Soon she had posted the video on the internet for citizens to see.

    The people who had seen the video, tried to change her mind.
    Furthermore, Caroline had seen the comments about her and began to smile.
    She felt whole again. And the rain stopped.

    • INC says:

      Dumbledore, you succeed in creating a very vivid picture of Caroline and how she feels. Well done.
      It could do with some editing. look again at the punctaution, and see if some of the words you have chosen could be changed for the better.
      I am not sure if you are supposed to use the prompt as it is given. Your story would still make sense if you used the exact words.
      There should be another prompt later.
      I am already looking forward to your next story.
      Remember to follow the link that HBL has provided to read and comment on some of the other entries.

    • hbl010 says:

      I think your story is well written. I enjoyed reading your story as it had me gripped from the start.
      Your story gives a good picture of what she is going through.
      I think your punctuation could be slightly improved, I also think you could change a couple of words as they don’t work well. The structure is very well done and made me want to read on. Overall I think your story worked very well.

  2. hbl010 says:

    Heres the link to read other stories: http://100wc.net/?p=542

  3. hbl010 says:

    “This is going to be a long day,” I thought. It was a sunny day at brighton beach and I was lifeguarding there. “It’s pretty quiet for such a warm day,” I thought to myself. There was only a couple of families on the beach, so there wouldn’t be much going on, I hoped. Then, without warning, the weather changed for the worse. It started raining heavily. I had to get everyone off the beach, as the rain was coming down very quickly. As I checked everyone was out the water, I heard a lady frantically screaming and pointing at the water. I could see a child in the water. I jumped into the water to save the child. As I swam out, I could no longer see the child. Was I too late?

    • INC says:

      Nicely structured and I like the cliffhanger at the end, HBL. Do you plan to continue it later?
      However, it reads to me like a first draft. Take a look at punctuation, consider the vocabulary and see where you have repeated references to the water that you might be able to edit out.
      Have you thought about the KALA challenge at all?

    • Dumbledore says:

      In my honest opinion, you did a great job at showing, not telling.
      also a great “on the edge!” ending.
      And thinking of a way to make it a better story would be a bit difficult to do,
      due to the fact that it’s an amazing 100 word story!!

  4. iHSchool says:

    Overall I really enjoyed reading this piece of writing, I thought it was a bit depressing but good. You could use a bit more better vocabulary. On the other hand, I thought the setting of this story was superb, I liked how you made the mood blend in with the weather and then it changed to the end of the story. If you were going to carry out a second piece of writing to this, I recommend you to speak in first person as the life guard. You could write about her/him regretting their action or being to slow to save the child.

    I rate this story a 7/10 piece of writing.

  5. Adam says:

    Good job. This was very good

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s